A Geeky Guy's Guide to Love Hurts

I actually watched this movie the day before I saw Ballerina and intended to write about it yesterday. But I felt I needed to make a public service announcement that everyone should see Ballerina ASAP so I shelved this one for a day.

It is fitting that I compare these movies back to back as Love Hurts is clearly trying to be a less serious version of John Wick. It is a very far fetched movie set in a universe where fighting doesn't always obey the laws of physics. It involves a hidden society built on violence and a code. It even revolves around a character who tried to get out of the life but is forced back into his old role as a tough guy. The only problem is that the person in question is Short Round from Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom rather than John Freaking Wick... or Eve the Ballerina.

Love Hurts does not take itself very seriously... thank god. If it did, it would be completely unwatchable. Part of the reason I'm not totally bashing it is that it tried to be silly. Although even when it is not purposely silly, it is accidentally silly. The prime example of this occurs almost immediately in the movie. The film is set in the crime world of ... Milwaukee Wisconsin. Yep. That crime world. I'm sure that in addition to reminding you that Milwaukee is Algonquin for "the good land", he would also be able to tell you that it is freaking cold in Milwaukee in February. Sadly the movie makers did not consult Mr. Cooper before they decided that a movie set on Valentine's Day in Milwaukee would include people dressed like it was a sunny day in San Francisco. About 5 minutes into the movie my wife said, "Pause this. Wait. Why are they all wearing those close. They'd be freezing." And she was absolutely right. So if Alice Cooper wasn't available for a consulting gig, they could have just asked my wife.

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So what is good about the movie? #1 it is only 1 hour and 20 minutes long. yes, I think that is actually a positive for any movie that isn't great. If you only have 80 minutes of content, fine. Just please don't waste 40 more minutes of my time. This was the perfect runtime for this movie. It had a silly idea. They wanted to include some action sequences. They did it and got the hell out. I respect that. #2 Ke Huy Quan is just flat out charming. The child actor (from Indiana Jones and Goonies) has grown up into a true Hollywood underdog story. His career was revived by Everything Everywhere All At Once. His appreciation and joy at the Oscars is one of the most positive things to come out of those awards since the 1990s. I'm happy he got a starring role. He is fun to watch. #3 Marshawn "Beast Mode" Lynch plays a significant role in this movie. This former NFL star is a flat out character. He has gone from a guy who simply refused to talk to a sports media that loves to sensationalize every flaw they can find to a quirky, entertaining guy. He even had a TV show that featured him... just being himself. Although he's a terrible actor, he's an entertaining guy so he was fine in a movie that was intended to be silly. #4 There is a lot of action. Some of it is even good.

So what is bad about the movie? Well the acting is pretty much terrible. The story is incredibly far fetched. Some of the action sequences seem really slow. The filmmakers did not use any editing tricks to help out the 53 year old star of the movie. You can almost see him counting as he is blocking or delivering a blow. They really needed to do him and the audience a favor by speeding up the film from time to time to give the illusion of a better fight. Or they could have used slow motion more to mask the fact that the moves were a beat slow. Or they could have cut to different camera angles to cover up the problems in the choreography. A budding love affair between an assassin and the main character's assistant is pretty entertaining.

As far as my final recommendation, it is tough. Since it is only 80 minutes long, even if you don't like it, it will be over you get too bored. If you do happen to find it charming and the action entertaining, you have a nice little bite sized treat. You know yourself. If you are fine with a quick, silly, wannabe action movie, give it a watch. If this all sounds too annoying, you won't be missing any important piece of the cultural fabric of our generation. I fit into the first category so I didn't feel like it was a waste of those few minutes. Any longer and I would have had a problem with it.

Did anyone else see this movie? Did you like it?